Jokes

Tired Business Man
The young business man dragged himself home and barely made it to his sofa before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was watching t.v. She looked up at him and said, "My, you look tired," then stopped, a worried expression reflected on her face. She then continued, "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "You won't believe it. It was the most terrible thing you can imagine," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

The Turtle Judge
Deep in the jungle, there was a competition to see who could crack up the wise turtle. Of course, the only judge was the turtle. If the the turtle didn't laugh at the contestant's joke, then the contestant would be fed to the piranas. The first contestant was the monkey. He told his joke and everyone laughed, except the turtle. The monkey was then fed to the piranas. Everyone started getting scared, because the next contestant was the king of the jungle, the lion. He told his joke and everyone laughed hysterically, excet the turtle. Just like the monkey, the lion was fed to the piranas. The third contestant was the elefant. He stood in front of the turtle and began his joke. Half-way through the joke, the turle broke out in laughter, "Ha, ha, ha, ha! The monkey's joke was so funny!"

We Don't Sell To Blondes
A blonde woman goes into a store and tells the salesman, "I wan't to buy this TV" as she points. The salesman says to her, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The blonde comes back the next day with a brunette wig on. Again, she tells the salesman, "I wan't to buy this TV". The salesman says to her, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The blonde comes back the next day with her hair dyed black. Again, she tells the salesman, "I wan't to buy this TV". The salesman says to her, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The blonde comes back the next day with her head shaved. Again, she tells the salesman, "I wan't to buy this TV". The salesman says to her, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes". So the blonde, all irritated, asks, "How do you know I'm a blonde?". And the salesman responds, "Because that's a microwave".

Look Mom
A boy riding his bike says to his mom, "Look mom, no hands!" as he lets go of the handle bars. "Look mom, no legs!" as he separates his feet from the pedals. Then he falls on his face, gets up and says, "Look mom, no teeth!"

Stuck in the Desert
Three men are going through the desert, when suddenly the car brakes down. The first man says, "Lets each take something for our walk." He takes a gallon of water from the trunk, the second man takes an umbrella, and the third man brakes off the door and takes it. The second man asks the first man, "Why are you taking a gallon of water?" "So I can drink it if I'm thirsty." The first man asks the second, "Why are you taking an umbrella?" "So I can cover myself from the sun." The second man asks the third, "Why are you taking the door?" "So I can roll down the window when it gets hot!"

Number Party
An eight wants to go to a zero party. The door guard says, "Excuse me, but 8s can't come in." "How dare you? Haven't you ever seen a zero with a belt?"

Short Jokes
What is the difference between a flea and an elephant?
- An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants

Imagine you're in the ocean surrounded by sharks. What do you do?
- Stop imagining

Why do you put candy under your pillow every night?
-To have sweet dreams

Funny Questions
What do sheep count to go to sleep?
Why is there no mouse flavored cat food?

Back Home Forward